you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
