dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
she smelled like a LAN party
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
