apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize