ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
