I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
