It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
