If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
