Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
