fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
