dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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