he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
