Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
