3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
