The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
