It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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