Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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