He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
