So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
