Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
