somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
