My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
