Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
