A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
