Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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