I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Someone signed my nipple.
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