Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Enjoy the penises
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
