it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
