It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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