well I can't set my house on fire every night
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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