so let's talk penis.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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