a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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