I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I think my moral compass just broke
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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