dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
