Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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