I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
