I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
