just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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