I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
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