I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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