Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
