Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
