There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
