I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize