Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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