Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
