10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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