If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize