there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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