I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
