guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
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its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
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I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
And then he peed in my hair
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