peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
