Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
