I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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