ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
