Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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