I think scott just propositioned me for sex
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
