Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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