U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
