by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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