I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
where am i from again
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I need to calm my uterus...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
