Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
