This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
