Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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